You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
