The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
