I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Shame - the story of my life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
