What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
