At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
