my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
