I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
