we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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