would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
