i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
