$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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