So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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