he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
