dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
