its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
