Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
