Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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