Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
