I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just threw up on my dentist
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
