i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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