More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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