Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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