I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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