What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
