Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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