Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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