Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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