Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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