yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
