Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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