I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
