You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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