it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
