So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
