I skipped work to stalk him.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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