there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
