I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
