when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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