someone threw a dead crab at me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
splinters make it hard to masturbate
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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