Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
