Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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