We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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