i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
