i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
