1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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