i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
