I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
