that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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