Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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