Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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