I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
