I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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