Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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